Team: Rockits
Name: Soylent Mean
Number: 2022
Status: Active
Position You Play: Pivot/Blocker/Jammer
Distinguishing Feature(s): Rockit-colored dread
Injuries: Whiplash, hyperextended knee, heatstroke, partially-torn rotator cuff, 5" diameter bruise
Loves: Dystopian futures, stale sour patch kids, assorted flavors of pain
Despises: Proletarians, cliché-filled fortune cookies, bugs with more than eight legs
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: #2 MVP on prior league
Favorite Derby Moment: Getting drafted by the red team
Favorite Food: Soybeans, lentils, jammers
Star sign: Aries
Website(s): myspace.com/marumari

More dirt about yourself:
Scrimping and saving from her waitressing job at a local diner, this aspiring tycoon purchased her first pair of sawed-off roller skates from an unnamed black-and-white market dealer. After a freak skating incident killed a particularly bad tipper, she lusted for faster, more expensive skates, and thus began her quick skate up the corporate ladder. With the unexplained deaths of CEOs at General Mills, Kellogg, and PepsiCo, her Soylent Food Corp has come to dominate the food industry. Aside from the top-selling Soylent Yellow™, Red™, and Green™, her new Mean™-flavored product has sparked a series of rage-induced riots in 14 states and the District of Columbia.

She attributes her business acumen to her steady diet of snips, snails, puppy dog tails, and the ground-up remains of the other teams' jammers.