Team: Rockits
Name: Contessa M.
Number: 9
Status: Inactive
Position You Play: Jammer / Blocker / Pivot
Injuries: Twisted Knee, Sprained Neck
Distinguishing Feature(s): The need for speed and quickagility
Loves: Skate Locking
Despises: Ass Grabbing
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: Dragon Chaos and I got into a brawl at the last bout. They had to pull me off the bitch. She just turned around on me during the jam and tackled me saying something about me talking trash about her at the bar. Chaos, if someone is talking about you, they are talking about trash. Just kidding! Kiss kiss!
Favorite Song: In the Fade by Queens of the Stone Age
Favorite Food or Drink: Jack Daniels Old Number 7
Star Sign: Aquarius

More dirt about yourself:
Contessa’s parents were good god fearin’ folk – so much in fact that when they discovered that their newborn baby bore a birthmark resembling a pentagram, (the mighty Star of Satan) they gasped in horror and dismay. They had no idea what to do with this tiny demon and were convinced that if she had the chance to live, she would take over the world with her devilish ways.

After minutes of deliberation, four “Hail Marys” and two bottles of communion wine, they decided the only thing they could do was to toss her into the mighty Mississippi. To ensure that this mischievous imp wouldn’t survive, they tied her forlorn father’s roller skates to her feet in hopes to sink her straight to the murky bottom.

Alas, Contessa was much stronger than her parents realized and she fought back against the rapid current, swimming her way to shore with the skates still strapped to her feet. Contessa’s luck was only just beginning to improve and she was soon discovered by a family of fire-breathing, baton-twirling ex-carneys. They decided to keep the darling child regardless of her evil birthmark and move to the suburbs to live peacefully.

Years later, Contessa was discovered by one of the Minnesota RollerGirls, moshing around and looking tough in a Goth bondage club. “Goshing” if you will. With her birth father’s rusty death-skates, and her new family’s pagan teachings of The Carnivále, Contessa soon became the most devilish derby dame ever to grace the rink.